Thursday, December 31, 2009

Lamenites, what Barbarians!

“And I bear record that the people of Nephi did seek diligently to restore the Lamanites unto the true faith in God. But our labors were vain; their hatred was fixed, and they were led by their evil nature that they became wild, and ferocious, and a blood-thirsty people, full of idolatry and filthiness; feeding upon beasts of prey; dwelling in tents, and wandering about in the wilderness with a short skin girdle about their loins and their heads shaven; and their skill was in the bow, and in the cimeter, and the ax and many of them did eat nothing save it was raw meat; and they were continually seeking to destroy us. “ (Enos 1:20)
Here all this time I thought they were Jews that came over but judging by their diet of raw meat I have come to the conclusion that it was Germans that came over from Jerusalem in the 5th century B.C. It must have been. I mean, who else would be so barbaric as to eat raw meat?! Raw meat, do you hear? Raw. But I don’t see why not. It seems to me that Nephi ate raw meat in the wilderness because God actually told him too, because it was sweeter than cooked meat, it had nothing to do with the fact that this man who could build ships, and forge swords was unable to start a fire, even with God leading him through the desert. Let’s not forget that they ate beasts of prey, and lived in tents, tents people, they lived in Tents! Can you imagine, they lived like the Bedouin, like the Israelites in the desert, or during the Feast of Booths. I mean you just can’t live in tents and be faithful to God. And their dress, a loin cloth. I mean we don’t see other people doing that anywhere.
I do want to ask what a cimeter is, has anyone found one of these among arrow and ax heads? I have heard of a Scimitar, and I believe cimeter was a nineteenth century way of spelling that, but it couldn’t be that. A Scimitar would be a particular type of sword that came into being among the Arabs and Turks after the rise of Islam. And those have not been found to be artifacts of pre-Columbian American cultures. For that matter swords have not been found.
What a joke. And Mormons want you to ask God if this is real. I would be embarrassed to ask God such a stupid question when he has made it painfully obvious that this is a book of very bad fiction.


Brigitte said...

Oh, yes, we've read before you are a real fan of blood sausage and tartar, as well!?

Our parents taught us to eat tartar, but blood sausage we did not have.

Bror Erickson said...

Yeah I thought of you when I wrote it. Actually I wouldn't mind trying either, but I haven't as of yet.

Jonathan said...

"Lamanites." Umhumm. I think old slick Joe Smith was probably running out of creative juices for inventing new names. You know you've got to watch out for those wicked "laymen," after all!

Friend of the Predigtamt said...

I must be a barbarian, because I love to eat sushi and sashimi. I would eat 40 bux worth of sashimi, like the time I was in Gilbert, AZ. *burp*

Steve Martin said...

Lamanites invented lamination, didn't they??

I think there was a whole lot of inventing going on.